Listen, I know how it goes.
You feel bored and are dissatisfied with your monotonous daily routine. You wish that your life, and you, were different. You have an idea of how you want your life to look, but don’t know where to start making changes. You feel stuck and don’t know what to do next.
You desperately want to believe it’s possible for you to create the life you imagine living, but the gap between where you are and where you want to be seems so huge. You don’t believe you’re capable of creating the life you really want, because you listen to the little voice in your mind which stops you from taking action and doing something new or different.
You want to believe that you can have the life you dream of and you just wish that you knew what to do to make your dream a reality.
I’ve been there too, and I’ve come out the other side.
I coach women who feel stuck and secretly want more from their lives. They’re unsure where to start and are afraid of judgement, failure or the unknown. I help them challenge their thinking, take action and create a life in which they feel fulfilled and they love.
For years I had an urge to shake up my life. I wanted to change something… anything, but I’d always find myself thinking: Can I? Where do I start? Can I overcome this fear? Is it actually possible for me to love who I am and feel more vibrant, confident and alive?
… Or is this it?
When I was a child I was shy, not liking any attention or focus on me. I remember being 7 years old and wanting to start dance classes. My mum took me to a local ballet class and I refused to join in, embarrassed that I didn’t know how. I hid behind my mum’s legs the whole time. I never went back.
I also gave up guitar lessons when my teacher wanted me to take gradings because I didn’t want to have to take a ‘test’ and I didn’t want any attention. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I wasn’t good enough to pass? Even then, in order to avoid the potential embarrassment I decided to quit. It was so much easier and not at all scary to quit.
I was bullied intermittently throughout my school-age years, sometimes by so-called friends. This left me feeling both self-conscious and feeling that I just wasn’t “enough”, both of which fed my fear of being judged by others. I learnt how to avoid attention and judgement by trying not to stand out and not completely trusting new friends, or making myself feel vulnerable in any way.
I did well-enough in school but when subjects got hard I just thought that I wasn’t capable of being really smart, even though I wanted to be. That if I couldn’t get it, I’d never be able to. So I didn’t put any more effort in. Again avoiding the embarrassment, or pain, when I could potentially discover that I just wasn’t smart enough.
My self-doubt, fear of being assessed or judged, being found out that I wasn’t ‘enough’ and subsequent avoidance of doing anything that made me feel vulnerable continued throughout my teens and into adulthood.
In my 20’s I remember being so envious of my friends as they had the time of their lives and I just became more apathetic, stuck through fear and disconnected not only from my friends but also from myself. I didn’t know how to free myself from my own mind in order to be “me”. I didn’t believe I was capable of making the changes I needed to in order to create a life that I loved that was fulfilling and fun.
By my early 30’s my life was a monotonous routine of sleep, work, gym. Although I could easily do some things by myself (travel, go out for coffee, join a new gym class) or meet up with friends, I kept myself disconnected─I kept to myself in case I got hurt in some way.
I studied psychology at university and this interest continued. I started reading personal development books. Just reading them. Not taking the actions suggested because they were hard and I didn’t think they would work for me. I was looking for a way to change my life and myself but was again avoiding the pain of taking action because it was hard and because of my belief that nothing would work for me anyway. I just wasn’t the kind of person that that stuff worked for.
But I still wished there was more to my life and I wished that I was different.
I wished that I was the kind of person that could!
That I could:
be good in a senior role at work
write a blog
deadlift my own bodyweight (minimum)
work for myself (I didn’t know what I wanted to do, just that I wanted to be self-employed)
Through my reading I took time, intermittently, to visualise the life I wanted. To visualise the person I wanted to be. I wrote these visualisations down in my journal. For 3 years they didn’t vary much, but they felt too hard to achieve. The gap between where I was and where I wanted to be seemed so huge.
One year I reread my journalled visualisation and noticed that what I wanted hadn’t really changed. I knew and understood that if I’d started back then in making changes, my life would be different now.
I finally decided that enough was enough …
When the feelings of being so tired of the apathy, of the anxiety, of keeping myself small and not loving myself, of not living my life fully, and of the disconnection from myself, my friends and my family became stronger than the fear that nothing would work, I finally decided to make changes. I started putting in the work – mentally and physically - and things started to change.
I learned how to work through my fear (which is still with me occasionally) and to believe that I could do new things; I took promotions and new job roles. I started to look back on things I’d successfully achieved and reframed my belief that I’d fail at whatever new thing I wanted to do and started to believe that I could achieve anything and that somethings might take practise. I started to know that I didn’t have to be perfect, especially when starting something new.
After learning how to challenge the beliefs I had that were keeping my life limited, building positive habits and feeling the happiness and freedom from achieving what I felt was near impossible, I decided to pursue a career change as a life and mindset coach. I made this decision because I want to pass on the knowledge, skills and tools to other women so they can overcome their own self-doubt / negative inner voice, anxiety and limiting habits so they can believe in their abilities and capabilities and create a full life they love and are fulfilled by.
Do you want to know what I really love about my work now? The absolute change in energy and presence that a woman has when she starts taking action and working on her mindset. My clients’ big smiles are contagious when they start to realise what they can actually achieve. I love that they’re happier and that I had a part in helping them achieve that. That is what brings me joy.
I would love to hear from you! To find out I can help you create a life that you love and are fulfilled by, check out my Work With Me page or send me an email. You can also dive into my blog posts and sign up for my newsletter (at the bottom of this page).